Adam Kalsey

This is the blog of Adam Kalsey. Unusual depth and complexity. Rich, full body with a hint of nutty earthiness.

Personal

Social manners

1 Feb 2004

I’ve been invited onto the friends lists on Orkut and LinkedIn by several people that I don’t really know. I know who they are, but I wouldn’t exactly call them my friends. Some have commented on my blog once or twice, some I’ve commented on. A couple are people who live near me. I didn’t recognize most of their names — I had to look at their Web sites in order to figure out who they were.

Part of me feels awkward when rejecting these invitations, but I think I should know you before I call you my friend. Random, one-tme interactions do not make friendships. Once at LAX I stood in the security line behind Richard Belzer and said a few words to him. But that doesn’t make us friends.

Social software sites make it easier for people to make connections with others. This reduction in friction encourages people to make connections to everyone — even those to which they have only a tennuous relationship.

In the real world, people have an innate sense of propriety as to whom to extend invitations for social interactions. You don’t invite casual acquaintences to your wedding or complete strangers to your company picnic. Social software has sprung up faster than etiquette can develop. There are no manners for how to invite people into your network. Similarly there are no rules for how to politely decline an invitation.

Like with any other new system, rules will begin to emerge that govern the polite use of social networks.

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