Fun with spammers

Somehow my email address has ended up on a list used by low-end tech bodyshops. The type of recruiters that exist only to place warm H-1Bs in short-term Oracle DBA contracts for $10 an hour. The list is sold, given, or rented to a number of bottom-feeding headhunters.

I have no idea how I got on this spam list. I’ve never heard of any of these bodyshops and certainly didn’t ask to receive mail from them, yet each day I get email from various bodyshops advertising the people they have available or their latest "HOT REQ." Invariably the spam has an all caps subject, is poorly worded, and is sent by a contact management package called cBizOne. CBizOne is a legitimate sales and contact management program aimed at IT shops, but these headhunters are abusing it as a spam system.

The only good thing about these emails is that most of the bodyshops sending them out are located in California. Since I’m also in California, I can take advantage of California spam laws that entitle the offended party (me) to $50 per message or actual damages, up to $25,000 per day.

So I invoice them. Usually they ignore the invoices and continue spamming me. Once I remind them of the several thousand dollars that they owe, the spamming usually stops. No one has paid yet, but once the accounts have been past due long enough to indicate they have no intention of paying, my next step is to file a suit in small claims court for the outstanding balances.

Last week another bodyshop must have bought the spam list, because I received a new spam from a shop I didn’t recognize. Here’s the email exchange that followed.

From: Yogesh Virmani [mailto:yogesh@enterprisesolutioninc.com]
Sent: Friday, December 06, 2002 4:27 PM
To: Yogesh Virmani
Subject: * REQ. - LEAD FUNCTIONAL CONSULTANT

Dear partner,

These are the requirements currently open.

Lead FUNCTIONAL CONSULTANT

Searching for a senior fuctional consultant with the
following experience:

blah blah blah CRM blah blah send resume blah blah

I will contact you, if I need more information.

Regards,

Yogesh Virmani
Enterprise Solutions, Inc.
408-727-3033

Normally my replies to these people have been very polite and business-like. I’ll explain that I don’t want to get their mail and it would be nice if they’d stop wasting my time. If they’re in California, I’ll explain California spam laws to them. But that wasn’t working, so I thought I’d try a different approach—dry humor and sarcasm.

From: Adam Kalsey
Sent: Saturday, December 07, 2002 7:55 PM
To: 'yogesh@enterprisesolutioninc.com'
Subject: RE: * REQ. - LEAD FUNCTIONAL CONSULTANT

> Dear partner,

Perhaps you don’t understand the term "Partner." According to the dictionary, it means...
(a) A husband or a wife. (b) Either one of a couple who dance together. (c) One who shares as a member of a partnership in the management, or in the gains and losses, of a business.

We aren’t married and aren’t dancing, and I’ve never heard of you, so we apparently are not in business together.

I’m not sure where you got my email address from or why you think I would care about what consultants you are looking for, but I have no interest in receiving your spam.

Do not send further unsolicited commercial email to any address in the kalsey.com domain. Remove all kalsey.com addresses from any mailing lists owned or used by you, your companies, or it’s affiliates. California law provides for penalties of the greater of $50 per email or actual damages, up to $25,000 per day. (California Business & Professions Code Section 17538.4) Further spam will be billed at our standard consulting rate of $xx per hour, with a one hour minimum per message.

Then I promptly forgot all about Mr. Virmani. Until yesterday, when he sent me another piece of spam.

From: Yogesh Virmani [mailto:yogesh@enterprisesolutioninc.com]
Sent: Tuesday, December 17, 2002 1:48 PM
To: Yogesh Virmani
Subject: * AVAILABLE - Sr. SIEBEL CONSULTANT, CONFIGURATOR

Dear Partners,

We have a very senior SIEBEL CONSULTANT AVAILABLE

...

I replied with more wit and sarcasm.

From: Adam Kalsey
Sent: Tuesday, December 17, 2002 2:27 PM
To: 'yogesh@enterprisesolutioninc.com'
Subject: RE: AVAILABLE - Sr. SIEBEL CONSULTANT, CONFIGURATOR

Thanks for your message. As outlined in my email of December 7, 2002, our policy on spam is to charge $xx per message as proscribed by California law. We offer can you the convenience of bi-weekly or monthly billing. I’ve set you up for bi-weekly billing. If you would prefer to be invoiced monthly, please let me know and I’ll adjust your account.

Attached is your first invoice. Please note that it is due upon receipt. Invoices not paid within 10 days of the invoice date are considered past due and will be assessed a 10% late fee. If you would like a complete schedule of our late fees, please ask.

Also, I’ve noticed some problems with your message that could keep it from being received and viewed by the intended recipients. We offer consulting services to improve your email marketing. Let me know if you would like more information.